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Incomplete Control

by Internet Dating

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1.
One touch might be enough to instill in me this love. The friction of our interactions distills from me this reaction. If all the words I could ever need were mine, I'd leave my thoughts somewhere easy to find. As we become more engaging I could have sworn you were just waiting for the words to start fading and the world around us to start changing. You found me counting rose pedals. I'm 50/50 on whether I should settle or meddle in the middle. I'm going to leave alone. I am in complete control of my incomplete soul.
2.
Finicky 01:19
You pointed at the perfect star to take us so far from the people we are to the edge of the milky way, to the nearest bar, and we play darts. They think they can predict the finicky desires in our hearts. They think they know who we are. But they wont find us in this bar, and that's at least a start. I dreamed one day I would see you pirouette, before you became famous on the internet. I think it's time I analyze my intent. so here i am, we won't have this moment again. I think I can predict the finicky desires in your heart. I think I know who you are. That's when I fell apart.
3.
Why do I need someone else here to laugh? Why do I keep trying to find my other half? I rehearsed this outburst before the feeling dispersed. May my self worth writhe in myself first. Somewhere between feeling and touching we confused feelings with being touchy. I need to take a walk and blow some steam off. My temper raise the temperature in your loft. Tearing in the covers off, you turn as if to scoff but this could be the last time, just like last time.
4.
Tip Toe 02:29
I cross my toes to make sure you don't know. When I'm telling the truth I take off my shoes. I'm inside your room, I leave a knife by the door in case the bad dreams dare come back for more. I don't think I can stay. I fear I wear down on you. I sleep under the bed just to put you on edge I'm mad I said anything. It's the tone in my foot steps that shake the sturdy ground. I figured Id tip toe to the front porch to smoke but you awoke. I swallowed these pain pills to help me get back to sleep. The floor wont make a sound once I cant feel my feet. Its harder to listen to silence than it is to hear you tell the truth. Because I cant tell if I'm being forward or if you don't want me to know.
5.
Autonomous 03:31
How do I remain positive with doubt controlling me like common sense. I cower when I should be confiding in friends. But I don't know if I have the confidence. Putting yourself back together takes time and I've invested mine. The manifestation of my depression caught critiquing the Devine. It's a far cry into a dark sky to shed the smallest bit of light. It's faulty ply when you've been alone your whole life. If you make a sound after I've flipped all the lights out, I'll pout on the couch instead of sorting it out. If you don't wanna talk, I'll understand, I don't want to talk much either. But I promise to keep these promises, not because I'm threatened by your dominance, but because when I feel utterly anonymous you make me feel autonomous. I tend to see the rain and pout instead of finding new things to complain about. You heard I asked for this drought as I sipped foam off of a grainy stout.
6.
Footprints 04:09
I want to encourage you to pursue the things you want to do. Put trust in the follow through. I want to affirm your intuition, you know best your own situation. Guide your dreams into fruition and they'll have to listen. Footprints on my windshield. Reclined, I don't care to check the time. Your voice kept my lips sealed while I refined my every word, my every line. I was kissed on the check by a goddess, I froze and played it off as being modest. You must have thought me to be thoughtless. My heart aches for you and all that you're going through, somehow you always knew but the process is brand new. Though the end is not in view, I'll stay close to you. Time can change your friends, but it won't change me and you. Now you know you can confide all your pain in me until we both fall asleep. It's not easy to describe this feeling but I feel like you know what I mean.
7.
Hot Toddies 02:59
This mean mug has got a chip on the lip, makes mornings hard when I've got whiskey to sip. Makes me wonder why I think I need to quit. Makes me sulk in somber longer than seems fit. Hot Toddies in our cold bodies, hot nicotine shared at parties. Cold shoulders from the glitterati came off as gaudy when you've found the best free coffee in Raleigh. A slight change of scenery and people I've yet to see are waiting out there for me, so I'm Clutching the van keys. I'm setting vagrant tendencies like giving away all my money. I'm putting steel to the stone. More honing and less zoning when I'm alone. Go to bed early without wasting time on my phone. Postponing mindless droning until I am stoned. I'm out on my own. I'm not coming home until I've broken more bones.
8.
The Web 04:33
Through the cracks and peep holes I saw my idols draped in cheap clothes. Gripped me like a sink hole, am I expected to except this new low? Turned my satisfaction into woe, spent all afternoon taking placebos. I wasted my youth scared of being single, scared of pictures of you with other people. Your web's no longer confine me. I've found my notebook to be more enticing. My absence mistaken for hiding but I've been soaking up more natural lighting. She said "You've got some impeccable timing, now I need it in your hand writing." Summer sun sets set such somber silver linings, sometimes makes it hard to do the right thing. I don't dwell on the past tense or paint over smears on the canvas. I'm changing bad habits to ward off my sadness. Still mixing my ideal innocence with a dash of ambivalence. Steering my aimless mess toward focused diligence. Peace of mind, I find you deep in mine. Peace of mind. You're buried deep in my peace of mind.
9.
Constantly reading faster the next page in my chapter. I could skip to the end, but its the rush I need to master. It doesn't even matter what the pages said so long as the words I read shape images in my head. Definitive decisions devised deliverance from dead dogmas. Each and every exit is entangled in apologies too abstract to assume "no nonsense". Instant gratification or prolonged satisfaction? Instead I find traction in reading your reactions. The knowledge you neglect reflects in your reflex. Especially when you are wrecked, specifically in retrospect.

credits

released March 19, 2021

Acoustic guitar, piano, and vocals recorded at Bird Cloud Studios with Ryan Wasoba. All other instrumentation recorded by Dean Erickson. Mixed by Ryan Wasoba, mastered by Corey Coffman.

Double bass and harmonies - Trevor Aarsvold
Drums on "Feeling Touchy" & "Hot Toddies" - Paul Winkelman

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Internet Dating Minneapolis, Minnesota

"math-y acoustic numbers dense with candid lyrics, uninhibited emotion, and a consistent sense of both wonder and vulnerability.”

-Aaron Rhodes, Shuttlecock Magazine

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